Accidental tourists

The future of Tourism NZ has been thrown into doubt amidst shock revelations that secret Tourism NZ agents have been acting as political agitators in Fiji, Samoa, New Caledonia and The Gold Coast.

Political commentators have been concerned for some time that unrest, military coups and the like have been a little too coincidental in these areas, and have suspected the possibility that the situations have been manipulated by a foreign power.

Allegations made in Parliament by Mr Winston Cheaters that Tourism NZ had been stirring up trouble abroad in order to make NZ more attractive to tourists were initially met with ridicule, but this morning Havena Veesa, the Fijian born head of Tourism NZ resigned after making a statement admitting the truth of Mr Cheater’s assertions.

Amongst the allegations are accusations that Tourism NZ agents did; make unnecessary, loud complaints in restaurants about the quality of food; add 42 Below Vodka to hotel water supplies; replace good vintage wines with cabernet-chardonnay varietals grown on Waiheke Island in many outlets; make hotel bookings under phoney names and then not turn up; supply large quantities of Chinese weapons to military groups and attempt to assassinate political leaders.

Tourism earnings in NZ have been on a sharp decline since most people realised it was simply too far to travel, when poor service, cheap hotels and camper vans were readily available much closer to home. Ms Veesa, in her resignation statement, pleaded the mitigation of pressure to turn an industry in decline back to profitability.

Former tourism minister Helun Clark said that she understood the pressures Ms Veesa had been under, and admired her iconic Kiwi ingenuity in attempting seek an “outside the box” solution.

Prime Minister Don Key, who also holds the tourism portfolio, said that he expected the problem was a cyclical one which could be eradicated in the short term by tax cuts and the sale of public assets. He then left for his annual holidays in Australia.

In other news, Coffs Harbour mayor Franck Bainainirama has resigned.