A band of bankers hiding out in the Uruweras have been hunted down and summarily executed, according to a statement made by prime minister Michael Culling today. The bankers, believed to be members of the Lehman and Merrill tribes, were surprised by members of a government debtribution squad in the early hours of the morning.
Since banking became an illegal activity in 2009, thousands of pinstriped fugitives all around the world have been ruthlessly eliminated by official purges and vigilante mortgagee-sale groups.
“These rich pricks have got what they deserved”, crowed a triumphantly self satisfied Culling. “They were merchant bankers in every sense of the phrase”
Culling swept to power in late 2008 when opposition to the Green Labour party collapsed after revelations that National leader Don Key was in fact the love child of then leader PM Helen Clock and maverick politician Winston Cheaters.
Culling’s unopposed leadership bid gave him an absolute majority in parliament, and allowed him to make banking, share-broking and successful pension fund management punishable by death. He introduced the maximum wage legislation shortly afterwards, and ended his first term with sweeping reforms limiting access to government accounts.
The Detribution Squads were formed shortly afterwards, and since then have relentlessly pursued “rich pricks” at Dr Culling’s behest. Over 12,000 are thought to have died in NZ alone, and many more are interned in the so called Monetary Policy Camps.
Few are believed to remain at liberty, and this morning’s news will place further pressure on those still in hiding to face trial rather than risk “bush judgement”.
In other news, the NZ$ fell sharply against the Zimbabwe Kwacha today.
Monday, October 6, 2008
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